Hello, loves

I have like nothing to be sad about, so why am I so sad

How jealous and clingy I am. I wish I wasn’t so damn insecure, I hate being the jealous type and also the fact that I over think pretty much every little thing because in my head all of these thoughts start flooding my mind. All of these little things, I’ll end up coming up with some big situation or reason to become upset or sad when there was really nothing to get sad or upset about. I think way too much, I wish these thoughts would stop.

There is this little voice in the back of my head telling me I’m not good enough for you. It tells me that you could do so much better than me and I should just give up now. You could have any other girl you want, and you chose me. Why me, I’m not very pretty, I’m not anywhere near close to being skinny or fit or whatever. I’m a disgusting thing. I’m not very smart or funny, I’m pretty damn boring actually. You on the other hand are pretty damn perfect. There’s nothing I could give you that all of these other girls couldn’t, if not probably better than me. Pretty much any other girl is better than me.

I just care for you so much, and I’m still surprised a person like you would ever want to be with me. I am nothing special, I am average. Not even average, I am below that. I am boring and although I hope this never happens, I’m scared of the possibility that one day you will wake up and just think to yourself ‘hey, I can do so much better, why am I with her. There’s better people out there. She is nothing but average. I want more than that’ or something alone those lines. 

Sigh. Way too many thoughts running through my head right now, and I do not like it at all. I hate it, these voices won’t go away. They won’t stop, and I’m starting to hate myself more and more because I’m starting to believe every single word they say.

Whenever you tell me you’re going to a party with your friends I can’t help but get jealous or feel so incredibly insecure. I mean I see all your girl friends and they’re freaking gorgeous like seriously model status. I mean I wanted you to come with me when I went to a party with my friends, why is it that you never invite me to go with you and your friends to a party? I mean it’s not that I don’t trust you or anything like that it’s just ugh. I hate feeling like this.

Simple as that. 
I am not in love with you, but I know I love you.
I love you as a person, I love you for everything that you are. I love how you make me feel so incredibly happy, the fact that no one has ever made me feel this way. Not even anywhere close.

I’ve been thinking, and I realized that there is no “right time” to tell someone you love them. It’s not like you can really ever plan on loving someone. Love is crazy and unpredictable, there really isn’t a certain amount of time that has to pass by to know you love someone. It’s something that kind of just happens, like whoa how did this even happen when did this happen. When I say I love you, I mean I am staying with you through not only the good times, but also the more difficult times. I know we have only been “officially together” for two months, but we have been through a lot within this short amount of time.

It is because of you I believe in love again. Before you, pretty much every guy I’ve ever been with treated me like crap or used me. I always had doubts about the relationships I was in. But with you, I don’t ever have to question your feelings for me. I know for a fact that you feel the same way about me. you’re everything I’ve ever wanted in a significant other. You are beyond amazing, and sometimes I think maybe you’re just too good to be true. You have proved to me that not all guys are the same, you are the exception to all the things I’ve ever thought about guys.

I am loving every second of this relationship with you. I just, love you.

You are constantly on my mind no matter what time of day. You are the first thought that comes to mind when I wake up in the morning, and the very last before I fall asleep. I want to be with you all the time, I hate being away from you. Whenever we are away from each other I feel like I’m missing something, but when we are together I feel complete. 

To be honest, I’d rather not hear it everyday. I’d rather hear it every once in awhile like when they really feel it kind of thing? I don’t really know how to explain. I wouldn’t want to hear it everyday or every single time we get off the phone or whenever we say our see you laters. I like to hear that phrase when there is a reason as to why they’re saying it at that moment. If that makes any sense?

I want to hear I love you when we’re like in a special moment together. To hear it when I need to hear it most. I want to hear you tell me you love me, and I will tell you I love you whenever you are feeling down, and when you need to hear those words. When we’re just laying together, looking into each others eyes and I can just feel your love. 

Please do not tell me you love me too often, I feel the phrase I love you is used way too often, it can be overused for the wrong things and not in the right moments at all. For me, when I say I love you I say it because I mean it, because there is a real reason as to why I’m saying it. I say it when I can just feel it and I’m so overwhelmed with emotions and love in that moment. You do not need to tell me you love me, because I can tell through your actions just how much you really love me.

I don’t know how to explain very well, but maybe it’s just me who feels this way about saying 
I love you.

People shouldn’t get upset or jealous when someone else is checking out their significant other. Instead you should feel flattered because you’re the one who is with that person who everyone is checking out. They’re YOURS.

You are always on my mind, it’s almost uncomfortable. But not really, because at the same time it’s kinda nice. The way you make me feel, is amazing. It is beyond words, I wish I could find the words to accurately explain just how much you mean to me and how much I care about you. I’ve never been this comfortable with anyone I’ve ever dated. I really can tell you literally anything and everything that comes to mind. I can tell you even the dumbest things like when I’m about to bathroom to things like my personal family problems. I just want to be with you like all the time, I’ve seen you break down and cry. You’ve seen me have a mental breakdown, and it didn’t scare you. We could literally just lay together cuddling for hours not saying a word to each other and I would be happy. I love spending time with you in general. I’ve never felt this way towards anyone ever, not even close and it honestly scares me at times. You’re the first person to ever treat me right, it’s almost scary. You treat me like a human being, rather than just a piece of ass. You are honestly perfect to me in every single way. I want to be with you all the time, I wish that every night I could fall asleep with you and then the next morning wake up to your beautiful face. I would wake you with a kiss and all of that good stuff. Just knowing that you are mine and I am yours, it is almost too good to be true. You’re everything I’ve ever wanted in a partner. I love the way you look at me, the way you kiss me so softly. The fact that you’re not ashamed of me, you show me off to your friends (in a good and subtle way of course). I’m not some prize for you to show off, you are a wonderful person inside and out and I love that.

I think what I’m trying to say is I love you.
I’m not IN love with you, I just, love you.

But I don’t know. Maybe.

Love isn’t about
   fucking each other
at any opportunity.

It also isn’t about
  how many months
or years
  that you’ve been together.

To me,
  love is about 
being able to see light
  inside of the person
who knows nothing
   but darkness.

(Source: mostlyfiction, via samtans)

Have you ever had one of those moments when you’re with someone and it’s just perfect. You’re looking into each other’s eyes and you kiss. You have such strong feelings for this person, and the only way to really explain it is with the words “I love you”, but you don’t say it, because you don’t even know for sure if you’re feeling is love or if it’s infatuation or I don’t even know. You’re just so overwhelmed with all these feelings, you’re scared you’ll just end up getting hurt again. So you keep those words to yourself. You think maybe it’s love, something similar? You just know it’s an unfamiliar feeling, but a pleasant one.

But in your head you’ve already told this person you love them over a hundred times.

Sigh, it’s such a scary thing.

Wow you’re a fucking dick. I joke with you, and you become an asshole. No, I’m done being friends with you. Fuck off.

Tbh, the physical stuff is nice. But really, this is all we have been talking about for the past few days and it’s kind of annoying me and making me start to wonder if this relationship is just turning into a physical one like all the other relationships I’ve ever been in and if we still have as much of the emotional aspect as we did when we first got together. I don’t know, I’m probably just overreacting and whatever, but still. Yeah, I’ve been thinking about it lately. I just don’t want this relationship to turn into something that’s based on just the physical stuff.